Red
by pawpad
Summary: A few moments with a fallen friend.


Disclaimer: Don't own anything or anybody in this.

Thanks to Kimberly for beta reading and thanks to Starsky's strut for convincing me to put this up.

He took one look and knew that the image would haunt him forever. It didn't matter how much therapy the department would have him go through or what drugs he took to help him sleep, the image of that red car was going to be in his dreams til the day he died.

Red; that was certainly the best way to describe it. Once he had called it the striped tomato, striped white. Now it looked redder than anything else.

Hutch reached out to touch the broken window, but paused. He couldn't. Touch would make it real; confirm what had happened, when all he wanted to do was forget. He wanted to bury it all deep inside. Hutch knew that he was just plunging himself into a fantasy world which held no structure or meaning, but it was where he needed to be. A place where he never saw blood draining from a pale, inert body and splatter all over the metal beside it.

Energy drained from his body and without comprehending what he was doing, Hutch fell to the ground beside the car. If he could see himself he would know that he was lying in the same position he had found Starsky in, but he didn't register it. He just stared at the lopsided world and tried to hide. When he closed his eyes, he was filled with warmth and security from someone who was no longer there. Strong arms pulling him in, holding him close, telling him that everything was going to be fine. A phantom hand ran over his hair, pushing it back from his face. The arms tightened their grip around him and he smiled. He felt secure in those arms and wanted to melt into them. But a cold wind brushed the dream away and his eyes opened with a jolt. He could see a set of feet standing next to the Torino.

"Excuse me?" a voice from above called. "Are you all right?"

Hutch looked up at the uniformed policeman, whose name he couldn't remember at that moment.

"Yeah," he said bluntly, while getting to his feet. He used the Torino as leverage, but the moment he touched the metal, his body froze. A brief memory of the last time he had touched the car flashed before his eyes. Only, that time the blood he felt under his palm had been wet. Hutch pulled his hand away now and stared at it.

"This was your partner's car?" the young cop ventured.

Hutch merely nodded. The story had gotten around the station fast; there wasn't a single policeman who hadn't heard. Gunned down in a place where they were supposed to be safe.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're looking a little pale."

Hutch took a handkerchief from his pocket and tried to wipe away the imaginary blood,not registering what he was doing.

"I'm fine" was his only reply, the only one he could get past his tightening throat.

"Do you…would it be all right if I sit in it?" A part of his policemen's brain had woken up, knowing that he needed to ask such a question. The crime team had long since taken what they needed. It was no longer evidence, just a loss.

"I don't know. I mean…"

"I'll take full responsibility," Hutch cut him off.

The cop looked at Hutch for a minute, sizing him up. Taking note of how pale and haggard he looked; his scruffy mustache and un-kept hair. Finally, he relented. "Okay, but just be careful. There might still be some glass on the seats."

Hutch gave a nod and waited for the young officer to leave before making a move. He went around to the passenger's door and opened it, sliding into his familiar seat. He kept his hands in his lap, unwilling to touch a thing. Nearly everything within reach held their own special memory and to touch them would mean opening a door Hutch refused to go near.

The past was his, not something that could be taken away from him. It would wait for him until he was ready, but to bring it up now was to deny the present and the possible lifeless future he could be facing. A future without teasing, without friendly banter, without Monopoly or runs in the park: a world without Starsky. He quickly wiped away a tear before it could run. The future was uncertain, but sitting in a car crying about it wasn't going to change anything. He knew he couldn't stay much longer, there was still an investigation going on, but Hutch wanted to grab hold of that fantasy world for just a minute longer. He was so tired and just needed a few minutes.

The End


End file.
